Donations

I do not make a good living, and I’m in debt. I work two jobs that barely allow me to make ends meet, much less pay off the credit cards and student loans I used to put myself through college. I admit I’ve made a few reckless financial decisions (you can search my blog for the unfortunate details), but even if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t exactly be rolling in it. I’d still barely be making ends meet, and I’d still be slowly paying down debt. I’d just be six or seven months closer to getting out of the red.

I don’t want to beg for money, but believe it or not, people have solicited e-mails. They’re under the delusion that I’m helpful and feel that my half-cocked theories and wild rants have monetary value.

In response, I’m giving all my readers two options: you can buy some of my scripts and get a little bang for your donation buck, or you can simply type in the amount you want to donate and line my pockets so I can afford egg noodles instead of ramen.

Scripts

For the moment, only two “script books” are available. Why only two? More importantly, why any at all? Shouldn’t I obsessively hide and hoard my creative works in the event that, someday, I’ll sell them?

You make a series of important points. How to respond tactfully? The scripts I’m offering right now are, for lack of a better made-up word, unsellable. This might sound odd. I consider them examples of solid writing, but they’re the kind of material that will never get made. They have no commercial viability, and they’re written without any practical considerations (e.g., budget) in mind. In other words, nobody could afford to make it on an independent scale, and no studio would ever greenlight projects so bizarre.

Beyond that, though, while reading many detailed and articulate comments in the continuing ScriptShadow debate, it occurred to me that I’m as culpable as he is, except for the part where very few people read my blog. But I do review scripts, and where do I get off saying scripts like Law-Abiding Citizen or Prisoners suck balls without offering some of my own material for public consumption?

These script offerings, then, serve a multitiered function: if you hate my script reviews and think I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, go ahead. Buy one of these scripts, review it yourself, and either post it on your blog or e-mail it to me. If it’s in any way constructive, I’ll post the link and/or content on my own blog. (And to go you one better, since you might be thinking I don’t have the objectivity to assess whether or not a scathing review of my crappy writing is “constructive,” I’ll e-mail your criticism to a mostly objective third party who has the material to determine the veracity.) Alternatively, if you like my blog and think I’m a genius (P.S.: you are correct), you might actually buy these things because you’ll enjoy them. Maybe they’ll disappoint you, though. I don’t know. But I’m fine with criticism, so feel free to let me know your feelings. With your permission, I’ll post them for the world to see.

Please Note: These have a pretty rigid cost because the goal is still to make a little extra scratch. The pricetags are a result of the costs of publishing and shipping them. That’s right — for your money, you won’t receive some chintzy secure link to a PDF. You won’t even receive a crappy inkjet printout bound with brads. Instead, you will be mailed a surprisingly high-quality, perfect-bound “book” created using Lulu.com’s publishing services. I assure you, the quality is worth the cost.

For those wondering why I don’t just offer PDFs — well, maybe I will in the future, if I can figure out how to get some accountability going. The goal here is less about granting you, my loving (and hating) readers, access to my writing than trying to make some money off this dumpy blog, which might encourage me to post more. PDFs can easily be passed around. If they are, I don’t make money. You can see the bind that puts me in.

Anyway, without further ado…

Title: The Paper Man Rides On
Book Type: Screenplay
Pages: 141*
Genre: Comedy
Logline: When a depressed teenager is recruited into an ancient order of newspaper deliverymen, he learns he’s been chosen by a higher power to stop an evil organization from taking over the world.
Cost: $20.00

Title: Measuring Girth — The Script Book: Season 1, Volume 1
Book Type: Failed Television Project
Pages: 376*
Genre: Half-Hour Comedy
Premise: A washed-up rock star is forced to team up with a fledgling publicist to remake his public image.
More Details: I mentioned this project here and here, but the bottom line is this: calling it a “failed television project” is really just an inflation of my ego. It was looked at, but I doubt anyone gave it any serious consideration — and even if they had, it probably would have stalled long before the network had any idea it ever existed. These scripts exist primarily as an outlet for my weirdest, goofiest ideas. If you want to laugh and/or feel a little uncomfortable, this is for you. Contains the series bible and teleplays for the first six episodes. (I continue to write scripts for this series, knowing full well that it has little to no possibilities — again, it’s an outlet for me while I toil on more commercially appealing fare. If you all show any interest in this project, I will “publish” Volume 2 of Season 1 when I finish those scripts and, perhaps, continue on with future “seasons.”)
Cost: $30.00

Sign a Blank Check…of Love!

This is the option for those of you who have little to no interest in what I’m writing, or have little to no interest in providing me with your mailing address (P.S.: I stopped stalking people a full eight years ago). If you feel like this blog has helped you enough to Give Back, click the DONATE icon and contribute as much or as little as you want. It all goes to a worthy cause: my credit card payment.

*Why so long? Although the original screenplays were written using the standard 12-point Courier, I decided to get a little artsy with the published versions. I used a fixed-width font and retained the standard formatting, but the line spacing is significantly taller, which increases the page count.

Last Updated on January 1, 2010