Black List Script #5: Cedar Rapids by Phil Johnston
MAJOR DISCLAIMER: Since these scripts, bought or not, are currently unproduced and/or in the midst of long, tedious development processes, they may not make it to the screen for up to three years, if ever. You should know that the synopsis contains MASSIVE, EARTH-SHATTERING SPOILERS, even though this screenplay may not resemble the finished film (if any) in any way. Read at your own risk.
Secondary Disclaimer: I refer to what follows as “coverage” by the loosest definition of that term. In keeping with this blog’s tradition, I’ve crammed the notes so full of rancorous rants, it’s 1/10th as concise as actual coverage, almost falling into the category of a review. However, since I’ve included the loglines and a detailed synopsis, it’s close enough to coverage for my purposes. Deal with it.
Comically Long Logline (provided by The Black List): “After his co-worker dies from auto-erotic asphyxiation, an emotionally stunted insurance salesman from small town Wisconsin takes the man’s place at the division insurance convention in Iowa City, IA, only to find himself coming out of his shell as he bonds with his fellow conventioneers and gradually uncovers a money laundering scheme involving his employer.”
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Synopsis
Notes
The Bottom Line
Synopsis
Mild-mannered (some might say too mild-mannered) insurance salesman TIM LIPPE (mid-30s) lives in the shadow of friend and coworker ROGER LEMKE — a well-respected family man who is the face of Northlands Insurance, a company serving northern Wisconsin. Tim’s good at his job, but he can’t quite get anyone to recognize that — including his depressed middle-aged fiancée, MILLIE, whom he showers with regular gifts (little trinkets like Beanie Babies) despite her evident lack of interest in the relationship. When Roger turns up dead in some sort of sex game involving autoerotic asphyxiation and lederhosen, Northlands founder BILL KROGSTAD (60s) has only Tim to turn to — because Bill has to attend his daughter’s wedding, he needs a representative to go down to the AMSI convention in Cedar Rapids, win a “Two Diamonds” award (their fourth in as many years) in order to restore the company’s good name. Why? Because Bill wants to retire, and he’d intended to sell Roger the company, but the value has tumbled in light of Roger’s unwholesome death. Winning another Two Diamonds will allow Bill to sell the company for enough to retire on. Tim is a little nervous about this proposition — he’s never been out of the state — but when lays a guilt trip about hiring him at 16 and priming him for a career that hasn’t achieved its full potential, Tim agrees to go.
At 6 a.m. on the day of the trip, Tim goes to Millie’s house to say goodbye and is surprised to find WADE — a more age-appropriate suitor — with her. They claim he’s there because his cable went out and he wants to watch ESPN’s morning program, but it’s evident that they’re having an affair. Millie treats Tim more like a son than a lover, which is appropriate since she was both a middle school teacher and Tim’s deceased mother’s best friend. At the airport, Bill shows up to give Tim a thick guidebook that will help him navigate the convention — who to talk to, who to avoid, what to see, etc. Tim notices one name under “avoid” — Dean Ziegler. Bill says he tried to poach one of Roger’s clients immediately after his death. Bill encourages Tim to stick with the roommate Bill paired him with. On the plane, Tim is incredibly chatty and friendly. It’s his first plane trip. At first, he annoys his seatmate, but by the time they arrive in Cedar Rapids, Tim has made a friend and new client.
After taking in the breathtaking Cedar Rapids skyline, Tim takes a cab to the Holidome. On his way inside, a somewhat skanky young woman, BREE, tries to bum a cigarette from Tim, but he doesn’t smoke and warns her to do the same in order to keep her premiums down. The desk clerk asks Tim for a credit card, but Tim prefers to pay with traveler’s cheques — they’re insured. The desk clerk insists on seeing a credit card, just to verify his legitimacy. Wary, Tim allows it. On the way to his room, Tim brags to Millie about the classy hotel on his cell phone. Tim fumbles with the keycard at his room and is surprised when an African-American man opens the door. This is RONALD WILKES, his nerdy roommate. Tim is initially terrified, but once Ronald introduces himself, he calms down and mistakes Ronald for a hip, cool brother man. Tim marvels at the junior suite, but his happiness is short-lived — budget cuts have forced them to take on a third roommate, DEAN ZIEGLER (mid-40s). He’s foul-mouthed and obnoxious, and neither Tim nor Ronald like him. They excuse themselves to watch the opening remarks of the AMSI president, ORIN HELGESSON (late 60s), who wants to “build a bridge to the 22nd century” through e-commerce.
Tim starts panicking when he learns 15 agencies are competing for the Two Diamonds, including Ronald and “shark” MIKE PYLE, who owns the largest Allstate agency in the upper Midwest. He calls Millie for encouragement, but Wade picks up the phone. He goes to the hotel gym to work out, where a sarcastic conventioner (JOAN) teases him. She’s a little flirty, but she can’t help taking advantage of Tim’s gullibility to amuse herself. In the gym’s showers, Tim runs into Orin, who passes along condolences about Roger and tells Tim somebody has started a petition to rescind their previous Two Diamonds awards, in light of Roger’s sordid personal life. He invites Tim to stop by his suite at any time. Tim goes to a bar where all the conventioners are supposed to meet. Dean calls him over to the bar. He tries to convince Tim that Orin wants to buy his vote for president of AMSI. Ronald shows up, and Dean wonders why the two of them aren’t interested in getting any tail. Just as Tim denies he’d ever get involved with a woman other than Millie, Joan arrives. Everyone starts drinking except Tim (who drinks straight grenadine because of his ignorance), and the drunker Joan gets, the more she flirts with Tim. Nervous, Tim excuses himself, bumping into Bree on his way out.
Tim calls Millie for reassurance — again, she treats him like a child while she relaxes with Wade. Tim practices his big presentation while sitting on the toilet. Dean bursts in, insisting they need to speak in private. Disgusted by the foul stench, Dean says he’ll meet him in the stairwell. When Tim joins Dean on the stairwell, he gets an earful about the petition and Mike Pyle being behind it all. Tim confronts Dean about trying to poach Roger’s client. Dean explains that was a misunderstanding — she called him, just so she could exploit the situation to get a lower rate through Northlands. Surprised by how much sense that makes, Tim hears out Dean’s conspiracy theory that Mike wants to drive the price down as low as possible so he can buy it on the cheap. Further, Dean believes Orin’s in on it, though he doesn’t know why.
The next day, Tim gets an angry call from Bill, who’s on his way to his daughter’s wedding. Orin called Bill to say Tim has been seen with Dean. He threatens to detour to Cedar Rapids, but his wife won’t let him. Instead, Bill simply says Tim cannot let Bill’s company collapse, so he needs to get on the right track. Tim goes out to get some air and finds Joan, smoking. He opens up to her about everything, and she encourages him to break away from Bill. Tim explains the story of how he got involved in insurance: his father was killed in a sawmill accident, and Bill was the one who made sure that Tim and his mother were taken care of. Tim has always seen Bill as a hero, and he sees insurance as a noble calling. She half-jokingly calls him a hero for making selling insurance sound cool. Back at the hotel, Tim runs into Orin, Ronald, and Dean. Dean’s friendly in his brash way, but Tim coldly tells Dean to leave him alone. He goes with Ronald and Joan to Mike Pyle’s seminar. He’s an engaging, vibrant speaker. Halfway through the seminar, he’s called out with an emergency phone call. Dean, doing a horrible and stereotypically offensive Chinese accent, informs Tim that Millie has been killed in an accident. Tim’s pissed when he realizes it’s just Dean.
Tim calls Millie for reassurance, but she’s preoccupied with her dog and practically hangs up with him. Frustrated, Tim decides to sign up for an insurance scavenger hunt — and registers Joan as his partner. He awkwardly tells Joan about this, and she’s surprisingly excited about it. Orin leads the scavenger hunt, telling him they’ll be given a series of clues that lead to additional clues, which will ultimately lead to a physical challenge that will determine the winner. Together, Tim and Joan find the first clue easily, thanks to Tim collecting a lot of Cedar Rapids trivia prior to his trip. The scavenger hunt itself is a tourist trip through Cedar Rapids: the Czech district, a dairy farm, a competitive eating “pork shrine,” etc. They’re the first to reach the meeting place for the physical challenge, “Silo Adventure Park,” featuring several ice-covered silos. Orin presents the physical challenge: whoever’s the first to scale an ice silo wins. Joan and Tim argue about who should do the climbing. Despite his fear of heights, Tim ends up doing it… But the task is so difficult, none of them can get more than a few feet off the ground. After a few hours, Orin calls it, making Tim and Joan the default winners because they reached Silo Adventure Park earliest. They’re presented with a $75 gift card for the Westdale Mall.
On the way to the mall with Joan, Tim discovers 11 missed calls from Millie. He calls her back, and she’s panic-stricken about his eight-hour disappearance. Tim gets annoyed by her treating him like a child. He takes Joan to the Olive Garden, which is painted ironically as a sort of vaguely romantic Italian restaurant. Joan convinces Tim to drink actual alcohol — a cream sherry, which he’s delighted to report does taste like communion wine. Joan asks about his hopes and dreams. After initially saying he’d like to take over for Bill, Tim settles on a desire to have a family. Joan jokingly says he can have her kids. Tim is floored by the fact that she’s married with two kids. She gives a sob-story about her crappy life and proclaims the ASMI convention her “fantasy-land” — for a few days, she can be who she wants to be instead of who she is. Tim is baffled.
They go back to the hotel, where Joan talks Tim into one more nightcap at the bar. One nightcap turns into several, and before long they’re smashed, and so is Dean. Even Ronald stays too long, but when they decide to break into the closed pool area, he says his goodbyes. Joan skinny-dips, and Tim loses control — they start making out while Dean leers, but it’s interrupted by a disgusted Orin, who threatens to call security. They flee. Tim goes back to Joan’s room, laughing, and make love. Afterward, Tim starts out very clingy but quickly falls asleep. The next morning, a seemingly different Joan talks on the phone with her kids and her husband — very serious, focused, and maternal. Tim wakes to find Joan looking at his Two Diamonds proposal. She tells him it’s solid, and he gives most of the credit to Roger. Joan tells Tim that she and Roger were together. Tim’s shocked and a little disgusted — and disappointed that, once again, he’s in the shadow of Roger. Joan tells him that he’s a better person than Roger ever was. Tim admits to being confused, now that he’s come to Cedar Rapids and fallen in love. Joan’s a little alarmed. She reaffirms her “what happens in C.R. Stays in C.R.” mantra and says this can’t go any further.
Tim apologizes to Ronald for his behavior, and while Ronald claims to not care, he’s exceedingly disappointed in Tim. He’s not the only one: Bill calls, livid after hearing from Orin about Tim’s tryst in the pool, which violates the ASMI morality clause and could lose them this year’s Two Diamonds and the previous years’, retroactively. Tim freaks out — everything’s falling apart. Dean has a heart-to-heart with Tim, using an example from his own disturbing life. Bottom line: if this shit is really important to Tim, he’ll step up and find a way to redeem himself. Tim vows to do just that — by begging to stay in the Two Diamond competition. Orin takes Tim up to his suite and explains this is a scam by Mike Pyle — just as Dean said. He tears apart Mike’s petition and talks to Tim about a plan he and Roger worked up to take their companies into the new millennium. Rather than printing ASMI newsletters, they’re saving $4000/year putting them online. Only Orin and Roger have been funneling the money into a secret PayPal account, which he doesn’t know how to use (Roger was the brains of the operation). Orin tells Tim he’ll ensure Northlands gets their Two Diamond rating as long as Tim plays ball with him. Tim agrees to it.
Feeling guilty about his compliance, Tim can’t bear to look at Ronald, Dean, or anyone else at the conference. He escapes to the Applebee’s across the street, where he gets drunk on cream sherrys. Before long, he excuses himself to the bathroom, where he finds Bree screwing a john in one of the toilet stalls. Tim reintroduces himself, offering her a butterscotch. She tells Tim he needs to relax and asks if he has any money. Tim tells her he has $90 and some traveler’s cheques. She asks him for $100 so they can party. He gives it up. Meanwhile, Orin continues to scheme with Mike to broker the sale of Bill’s company. He assures Mike that he’ll only need to keep the clients — not the employees or Northlands office. Orin calls Bill to tell him the deal’s set. Meanwhile, Ronald, Dean, and Joan watch the keynote speech and the lame entertainment (an incongruous Jack Nicholson impersonator). Dean has just learned of Mike Pyle’s evil plan. When he realizes Tim’s nowhere to be found, Dean tries to convince the others to help him look. They’re not interested.
Tim rides with Bree and UNCLE KEN (40s, violent, Applebee’s employee). Bree hands him a meth pipe, which Tim inhales, assuming it’s marijuana. It energizes him in the worst possible ways. They arrive at Ken’s farmhouse, full of bikers and speed freaks, where Tim has a drug-fueled freak out — and he loves it! Meanwhile, a waitress at Applebee’s calls Dean on Tim’s phone, which he left at the restaurant. Dean, Ronald, and Joan go to Applebee’s, where the waitress tells them Tim left with Ken, whom she labels a dope dealer who’s “real different.” She tells them where Ken’s farmhouse is. Meanwhile, in a speedy stupor, Tim opens up to Bree about his sheltered life, how his mother overprotected after his father died. Bree convinces him he’s not living his own life, and he needs to break free. She also offers him anal. Before he can take her up on it or run and hide, Uncle Ken bursts in, looking unhappy.
Dean, Ronald, and Joan arrive at the farmhouse. They wade through the circus of freaks until they find Uncle Ken pounding the shit out of Tim (because he paid for the meth using traceable traveler’s cheques, which Tim protests are 100% insured). Ronald, falling back on his community theatre training and love of The Wire, portrays an effective badass without having to do anything legitimately tough. Ken is afraid enough to let Tim go. They return to the suite, where Tim is bummed out by the details of Mike and Bill’s deal. He’s also a little too drugged out to properly process the information, so Joan maternally puts him to bed. Later that night, Tim is awake again. He gets into Orin’s suite and attacks the man. In the wee hours of the morning, Tim deposits a bound and gagged Orin in the middle of a hog farm. He explains that the Two Diamonds mean something to the people at the convention, so he’ll come back for Orin after a legitimate winner is selected. On his way back to the Holidome, Tim starts cold-calling all of his clients.
Tim arrives back at the hotel just in time to give his presentation — despite the fact that he’s disheveled and covered in mud and hog shit. Just as Bill arrives in Cedar Rapids to seal the deal with Mike, Tim divulges everything — the entire scam — to the audience, then explains that insurance is about love — love for clients and a legitimate desire to help them, rather than selling them down the river to the highest (or lowest) bidder. To that end, Tim has called every one of his clients, informed them of the impending sale, and poached them for his own, independent insurance agency — meaning Mike’s buying a business that’s just lost half its client base. Just as that sinks in, Orin leads police into the banquet hall and has Tim arrested. Before he’s led out, Tim tosses a piece of paper to Dean.
In a holding cell, Tim sells an enormous black man insurance. The police release Tim from jail, and Dean waits for him outside. He explains that Orin was more than willing to drop the charges in exchange for Dean not revealing his scam — the piece of paper was Orin’s PayPal account information. Tim, Dean, Ronald (winner of the Two Diamond award), and Joan ride together to the airport. The three men make plans to meet at a cabin in Canada that belongs to Dean’s cousin. Joan and Tim part ways, vowing to keep in touch.
The following day, back in Brown Valley, Wisconsin, Tim and Millie have an awkward dinner at Old Country Buffet. Tearfully, Millie removes her engagement ring and returns it to Tim. He doesn’t argue. Before either one can say a word, Wade sits down with a plate of food. Tim’s neighbor tells him he’s decided to switch to Tim’s company now that Bill’s selling him out to “some fella down in Milwaukee.” He’d rather do business with a man he can trust than a stranger. Tim is touched. In voiceover, Tim explains that the purpose of insurance is to create a safety net that allows people to take risks and live life to its fullest. It turns out this voiceover is actually a poorly made commercial for Tim Lippe Insurance. At the Canadian cabin, Tim presents the commercial proudly to their friends, who good-naturedly mock him about it.
Notes
As I waded through the first act of Cedar Rapids, I feared I’d entered another Butter. I couldn’t imagine anything worse, so I was tempted to give up and simply abandon the entire Black List coverage project. I stuck with it, though, and I’m glad I did. Although it initially treads on some of the more common small-town stereotypes, Johnston does a wonderful jobs of taking the clichés and twisting them in interesting (if not unexpected) ways. Tim is presented initially as the sort of naïve optimist who would make Frank Capra roll his eyes, but Johnston is smart enough to gradually develop this character into a nuanced, almost tragic figure.
It’s that little thing I keep talking about called “empathy.” As I learned more about Tim, I stopped caring that the script’s a little light on plot. It doesn’t pretend to be a complex corporate thriller, but by the end of the script, the fact that Johnston made me care about Tim, and Tim cared about Bill’s backdoor shenanigans, I found myself caring about the plot by proxy. I wanted Tim to grow a pair and succeed, but the plot could have just as easily been about a put-upon gas station attendant. It’s more important to understand the character’s struggles — even if we can’t exactly to relate to them (as in The Voices) — than it is to have a plot that’s all concept, no substance. Johnston understands that, and it’s heartening to see that some film executives do, as well.
This sense of character permeates every moment of the script. Johnston never violates who these people are in order to mine for laughs — he understands his characters and allows the comedy to develop naturally from their clashing personalities or their naïveté or their sheer prickishness. Sometimes the humor falls flat, but I’d rather not laugh at a joke than get angry at it because, whether it’s funny or not, it doesn’t seem like a thing the character would say or do. Wouldn’t you?
It’s because of this keen awareness of character that the script is not entirely plot-driven. Yes, it has a distinctive three-act structure, but 70-80% of the movie is just characters hanging out, having witty conversations and doing amusing things that seem to drive the plot only tangentially. The story really works because Johnston sells Tim’s arc so well. The plot hinges on his change from good-natured doormat to mostly good-natured assertive superhero, instead of the traditional (and frustrating) sudden 180° turn that occurs in the protagonist when Robert McKee says he should change.
Plus, he gets the little things right — the meth barns, the Czech district, the Westdale Mall. The only thing it’s missing is the stench of the Quaker factory. Even the shit he makes up feels appropriate. That’s verisimilitude, folks. I knew at least one writer in Hollywood had it! Unlike Iowa-set Butter’s seeming confusion about whether or not Iowa City is a large rural town or a suburb, Johnston writes about the Cedar Rapids I know and love. It’s possible that Johnston’s never set foot in the city, but that’s kind of the point: he understands the mindset and customs of the rural Midwest well enough to make even the weird stuff (the Silo Adventure Park) seem so plausible, I had to rack my brain to remember whether or not such a place existed.
The Bottom Line
While neither the funniest nor the cleverest comedy I’ve ever read, Cedar Rapids is one thing a lot of comedies aren’t: enjoyable. Through the combination of Johnston’s smart, witty (but not necessarily gut-busting) humor and strong, nuanced characters, it’s a compelling read that doesn’t need much work. I eagerly await Hollywood removing all the interesting things about the characters in order to strengthen the flagging C story that’s only notable because of those characters.
Posted by Stan on December 18, 2009 5:14 PM | Permalink | Print-Friendly | Reviews | Digg It
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