The Fake Fiancé 3: Not Fake But an Incredibly Confusing Simulation
Check out the first two volumes in this epic trilogy.
Immediately after intensifying my investigation, I hit a roadblock in the form of Kelly. We started to talk, to bond, and it seemed like old times — what remained suspiciously absent was talk of the fiance, wedding plans, living arrangements, etc. She limited herself to either old stories about high school or new stories about teaching high school. As usual, whenever I steered the conversation in a wedding-related direction, she changed the subject. I tried to rationalize — maybe she didn’t want to bring it up because the plans weren’t to her satisfaction, or maybe she knew I was trying to score an invite but knew she couldn’t — but it looked grim.
Flash-forward to two weeks ago. After essentially abandoning her MySpace profile roughly three days after creating it, I didn’t expect Kelly to give social networking another chance. However, she came back with a vengeance on Facebook — adding me right off the bat, and posting tons of “can’t possibly be misinterpreted” photos from the three bridal showers she’s had (one for her family, one for his family, and one for friends). Only one thing made me suspicious: why the hell was the groom at the bridal showers? But hey, it’s not completely unheard of, and like I said, these photos clearly indicate a bridal shower, and clearly indicate them both as a couple, almost to the point of overcompensating — seriously, maybe they’re cute, but do we really need photos of them awkwardly kissing?
So it appears all is well on the fake wedding front —
But something is still amiss. Something I can’t quite put my finger on… Wait, my finger just landed on a giant, boldfaced word: LIES. Right, right — all the unnecessary lying. If, indeed, this relationship is real, as it appears to be, why’d she make up at least one (possibly more) fictitious story of his proposal, and why’d she lie about them buying a house? More than that… Put aside the lies for a second and allow me to pat myself on the back for my surprising yet impressive ability to size up a character and/or situation almost immediately. (Keep in mind that, just because the logic centers of my brain accurately assess a person or scenario, doesn’t mean I’ll make good decisions.) As I’ve mentioned, when Kelly discussed this guy… Basically, I knew she was lying because I knew when she wasn’t lying. To put it in a way that makes some small amount of sense, she would mention certain things about this guy, and I knew it was true. I could feel it. Then she’d launch into lies, and her tone and body language would change completely.
Add to that another tiny inkling of uncertainty — on both her MySpace and Facebook profiles, Kelly does not count her fiancé as a “friend.” It’s not because he doesn’t use the sites — he has a profile on both. Yes, I checked. I don’t know what this says about their relationship, but compare it to her former best friend/current nemesis, Sarah, who’s also my Facebook friend. She and her husband are not only friends — they regularly exchange syrupy, almost obnoxiously cutesy banter on their respective walls. I can dig the notion of not wanting to be so publicly affectionate (except for the part where she posts a bunch of photos of them kissing at the showers), but not wanting to be “friends” at all? Just seems a little weird…
While perusing Kelly’s new pictures, I remembered Lucy’s assessment of her earlier photos: based on the awkwardness and clear disinterest in her fiancé’s eyes, it suggested they were not in a relationship at all. Even in the new kissy-face photos, I got the same impression. I started to wonder if maybe I was right about the lies — but wrong about what they signified. If they aren’t marrying for love, but they are marrying — what’s the story?
Bear with me, because I’m about to test the tensile strength of reality. Now, I know they aren’t marrying for money, because neither of them have any, and they aren’t headed down career paths that will yield dollar signs. Let’s consider some broad stereotypes for a moment… She’s 6’2” and bulky, with a voice deeper than mine. She never dated in high school, which isn’t that unusual, but she also had zero interest in guys, aside from briefly making up a story about a guy kissing her on the swingsets near her church. Although she tries to deny it, she’s a strict Catholic, which spells out its stance on marriage and sexuality in few uncertain terms (the pedo priest thing makes the message slightly confusing). He’s a small-town, Bush-loving redneck from downstate, obsessed with body sculpting but not actual fitness.
I’d be dishonest if I didn’t acknowledge that, yes, when faced with the reality of the alleged relationship, I thought, “Maybe they’re gay.” There are dozens, maybe hundreds of possible reasons for them to enter into a loveless marriage contract. I just leaped to the most obvious conclusion, based on the stereotypes and generalizations laid out before me.
No matter the explanation, the fact remains: something about this relationship stinks to high heaven. Maybe it’s none of my business, but I really don’t like it when friends — especially longtime friends I once depended on — start lying incessantly about significant things. Kelly always lied, but they were usually tiny white lies, fodder for behind-the-back shit-talking more than anything else. This… Whatever this is, I don’t like it.
Posted by Stan on June 12, 2009 5:44 PM | Permalink | Print-Friendly | Friends: Can’t Live with ‘Em | Digg It
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