September 2008 Archives
September 28, 2008
The Post-Credits Scene
Disclaimer: This post is in no way a reflection of my frustration at reading no fewer than three screenplays that include stupid, unnecessary post-credits scenes. It’s merely a hypothetical argument designed to help you, the screenwriter.
I’ve bitched about this before, so you you know what I’m talking about — Ferris Bueller coming out of his bathroom to whine that the movie’s over, you can go home now; the “epilogue” that finishes off the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie; Skeletor screeching “I’ll be baaaaaack!!!” at the end of Masters of the Universe. It’s the post-credits scene, which can sometimes serve a function but… Does it work in the screenplay?
I’ll give some superficial reasons for why I say “no”:
- Last impressions are as important as first impressions.
The old adage that readers won’t read more than 10 pages of a bad script may have some partial truth (especially in a high-volume environment), but more often than not, some poor reader will be tortured with the task of reading your story from cover to cover. You’re not going to know how the reader feels, but put yourself in the shoes of a reader hating the script he or she has on his or her desk — not that they’d ever hate yours, mind you. This is purely hypothetical. You get to the last page, you get to FADE TO BLACK, and… What the hell — there’s more?!
Not only is there more, it’s a jokey scene that has little to do with the narrative. Maybe it “hilariously” underscores a plot hole (as in Hellboy), or brings some much-needed resolution to a subplot that got lost in the shuffle, or winks at the “audience” in some way. You’re taking a gamble: if the reader loves your script, he or she will titter with amusement; if the reader hates your script, he or she will think, “That [gender-dependent obscenity]!” This is the last thought they have before closing your screenplay and starting they’re coverage. You do not want them thinking of gender-dependent obscenities. Reading a script they hate is bad enough — laughing at your own bad writing pours a big, one-pound bag of iodized salt into the gaping anal fistula your shit tore open.
- It shows more than a little hubris.
When I say this, I’m thinking, “Unsold spec.” You’re effectively telling the reader — who, lest ye forget, hated your screenplay — that you know, with absolute certainty, that this thing will hurdle past the entire development process right to post-production (utilizing a new technology called “Batshit Insanity” that transfers the finished movie directly from your brain to movie screens*), and your post-credits scene will make it through unscathed. If we’re talking shooting scripts, it’s a totally separate issue (but still kind of dumb). Unsold scripts, though, it’s the unfortunate combination of stupidity and hubris making you believe including a post-credits scene is a good idea.
I know it’s hard to accept. If you’re sending this screenplay out, and people are actually willing to read it, chances are you think it’s pretty good. If it includes a post-credits scene, chances are you’re wrong. Any way you slice it, the post-credits scene in an unsold spec doesn’t say anything good about you as a writer. Try to follow my logic. I can think of four cases where filmmakers would tack on a scene like this: setting the stage for a sequel or piece-of-shit tie-in movie (Iron Man), “hilariously” addressing a plot hole (Hellboy), “hilariously” or “seriously” tying up some non-plot hole-related loose ends (Constantine) or some sort of fourth-wall-breaking plea to go home (Wayne’s World).
Here are the obvious reasons why you fail if you attempt any of them:
- Sequel Setup
“This will be so great, it’ll warrant a million sequels!” Take it one at a time and let the studio decide about the inevitability of a sequel.
- Filling a Plot Hole
“I’m smart enough to recognize a plot hole, but too lazy/stupid to correct it properly.” Never is this more glaring than in a post-credits scene. A reader may not even notice (or care about) the plot hole if you don’t take such great pains to point out, but optimally, you want to find a way to solve the problem within the framework of story. If you can’t do that, you have problems that not even a post-credit scene can fix**.
- Tying Up Loose Ends
This is sort of a weird case; while these scenes are similar to the above, they aren’t always so jokey or moronic. In many cases, they include an extra layer of resolution that might not be necessary. Like, you know how in every movie Steven Spielberg has made since 1995 has had at least five endings? We only need one, but the others qualify as some sort of movie-ruining “bonus.” If he jammed them all after the credits, his movies would offer a little something for everyone.
If you’re writing this screenplay and you think a chunk of resolution either doesn’t fit or doesn’t carry enough importance to put in the actual story — it probably doesn’t belong in a post-credits scene, either. Maybe you really like the scene. Nobody cares. Kill your darlings.
- Fourth-Wall Shattering
“I’m so in love with my great characters that I think they can sell a broken fourth-wall even before casting.” Well-rendered characters separate great scripts from piles of garbage, but a keen poker face separates great writers from slavish hacks. Come on, you can pretend to be bashful all you want, but deep down inside, you know you’re great. You know what? Everyone who sees this script, including the lowly reader, wants to show he or she is smarter than you are. Don’t give them a reason to think you have an ego. You have to at least pretend to be a doormat — that way, it’s easier to trick them into getting what you want.
Hope this helps!
*I fully admit I stole this basic concept from an Onion article, but I can’t remember enough about it to search for it or provide a link — but believe me, I did try. [Back]
**Not actual irony but an incredible simulation. [Back]
Posted by Stan at 11:16 PM | Permalink | Print-Friendly | Comments (0) | How Not to Write a Screenplay
