« The Bailiff | Main | Some Shit Is Going Down »

YahooGroup Throwdown

My extended family has had a YahooGroup so long that it was started before eGroups got bought by Yahoo! It’s typically used as a resource for everyone to keep in touch, and while interest in using the YahooGroup has waned proportionally with the family’s interest in keeping in touch with each other, it’s still used on occasion. It’s nowhere near the insanity of election fever circa 2000, when we peaked at more than 650 e-mails per month (seriously!); in fact, at this point we’re lucky to get more than 100 posts in a year.

A lot of that has to do with being secretive. Many of the issues with Aunt White Trash were sent privately by Aunt Matriarch to just the brothers and sisters, to shield their children from the family issues. Of course, this was an unnecessary step since all the brothers and sisters just told their kids everything, but I guess Aunt Matriarch didn’t want to thoroughly humiliate Aunt White Trash by spreading the information onto a YahooGroup filled with young adults who might still respect her (ha!). Also, I think YahooGroups are public, so she’s pretty much airing the dirty laundry and if anyone actually cared, they could read all the posts.

Apparently Aunt Matriarch doesn’t care anymore, because last night she sent an e-mail to the YahooGroup last night containing the following information:

• Aunt White Trash e-mailed Grampa on May 5th asking for more money, which is what elicited this response in the first place. This is the only communication she’s had with him since they arrived at their destination.
• Aunt White Trash refuses to talk to Grampa on the phone or give him a phone number. Also, her last communication with him involved her screaming incoherently and hanging up.
• Aunt White Trash is stressed and depressed about the events of the past few months. She requires monetary compensation to alleviate both of these feelings.
• All told, the total cost of getting her the fuck to California was $4400, with an additional $5000 spent to clean the house and return it to saleable condition.

A few hours later, Becky (the eldest of the white trash brood) wrote back, explaining:

• Aunt White Trash “put her life on hold” to “lovingly take care” of Grampa. As I observed in my earlier blog entry, the loving care last for all of a month before they decided to use him as a human ATM and only help him out when they absolutely had to. You might remember this anecdote: The only clear incident I recall of them “taking care of him” is when he fell down on the driveway and got disgusting, old-man welts and cuts all over his arms, knees, and face. And instead of bandaging him up, they ran and got the camera, uploaded the photos to the family’s Yahoogroup, and wrote a few sarcastic comments about how useless old people are. That about sums it up.
• She actually made some valid points about how family should be there for each other (in reference to the entire extended family turning their backs on Aunt White Trash & Co.), but it falls under the heading of “pot kettle black,” what with the rampant abuse of Grampa.
• Aunt Matriarch is “losing it” and “needs to get a life of [her] own.”
• Bottom line: Becky took issue with Aunt Matriarch using YahooGroups for the reasons I pointed out above: the humiliation factor and the tainted opinions of “[her] cousins.” But she spun it that Aunt Matriarch doesn’t have her facts straight and her whole e-mail is tantamount to libel.

Why would she care about our opinions? Because, as she stated in the following paragraph: she had a kid. She has started the “next generation” of the family, and most family members haven’t even acknowledged the baby’s existence. And, if you want to dig deeper, the cousins are all she has left — monetarily, her siblings are as useless as she is, as is her own mother, so what can she use as a cash cow other than the welfare department? The cousins. Well, the joke’s on her! None of us have any money, either!

Oh, and also: we already know all the negative stuff. The YahooGroup only circumvented information trickling down from parents to children to significant others/spouses. Instead, it’s all right there for us to see, together; everyone already knows the shit that was going down, which is why nobody except my dumbass sister* acknowledged White Trash: The Next Generation. And at least she has a husband who’s smart enough to point, laugh, and not hand over any of his money.

Seriously, we all know I love playing conspiracy theorist and finding terrible, convoluted motives for pretty much everything. But trust me when I say this e-mail reads like shrill pandering to those (like my sister) who might feel pangs of guilt for cutting this entire family out of our lives. The entire subtext is: Even though I had a baby now (after three abortions) solely because I’m old enough to qualify for welfare benefits, I am not my mother. Don’t lump me in with her, and by the way I am still registered at Bed, Bath and Beyond and The Container Store if you want to get a gift for the new grandchild.

Becky’s e-mail ended with a line I’ve deemed a family classic. It seems like the only genuine emotion in the e-mail, and it’d be heartbreaking if not for the sloppy and baffling wording:

This isn’t really like you and because I have love for you which doesn’t seem to be reciprocated anymore this really hurts my heart.

There hasn’t been a response from Aunt Matriarch or anyone else. I was tempted to respond specifically because of the bits about the cousins, but it’s really Grampa and Aunt Matriarch who are being dragged through the mud. If they want to reply, that’s their prerogative; I have a feeling they’ll respond in the best possible way: by not giving them money.

As a side note, I will give my cousin Becky credit for not resorting to horrible, unreadable “txtspeak” or weird “gangsta” chatter.

*The thing that cracks me up about my sister feeling sudden sympathy is that when the pregnancy was first announced — six months into it — she was really pissed off that she and her husband were waiting to have kids. She’s currently the only one of our generation of cousins who is married, and maybe we’ve all given up the Catholicism that was beaten into us as children, but we didn’t give up the idea that having babies outside of wedlock doesn’t count.

Posted by Stan on May 11, 2007 10:27 AM  | Permalink | Family: The Horror… | Digg It