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Systems Support Specialist

I’ve been a nerd for awhile, but never really a competent nerd, in the sense of writing code or soldering diodes to, uh…thingies that make stuff go. In fact, I’m not even strictly competent at the one thing I’m kinda good at: fixing shit I break. Usually I figure it out, but sometimes it takes me hours, days, even weeks, and oftentimes I have to go and ask nerd friends on the Internet probing questions until I have the answer.

Because of my incompetence, I’m always hesitant to find jobs in the general computer-nerd world, even though my Microsoft-employed brother-in-law has been encouraging me to do so for years, saying things like, “You know more than I do.” (MSN users: clearly you’re in good hands.) I’ll apply for them once in awhile, usually when they have such low qualifications that any idiot could do the job. And even then, I don’t get called.

So when my sister first told me of a job opening at her place of employment, and that the title was “Systems Support Specialist,” I said, “Sounds good,” while thinking, “I hope I can successfully ignore this until the position is filled.”

But at the same time, I need a job. Not necessarily a job in sunny Seattle, but I’ll take it. I’ve been there before, and while I don’t have the fondest memories, I didn’t strictly hate it. Okay, I did, but I really need a job. I’ll go anywhere and do anything. And, in point of fact, I’ve even submitted a few resumes out in Seattle, because I know I’ll have a place to stay until I get on my feet. So far, I’ve heard nothing, but the icy silence on the other end of a resume submission has never discouraged me before. In fact, it encourages me to continue reshaping my resume into a more appealing series of lies.

So I told her, “E-mail me the information.” She…didn’t do that. Instead, she called me again while I was five miles away from my cell phone and didn’t leave a VoiceMail because she assumed I was ignoring her again. What the fuck is with this family? “I really think you should get this job and want you to have it.” “Cool, e-mail me.” “No, I’ll call you, oh FUCK YOU FOR NOT ANSWERING!”

But finally she e-mailed me the info, and I checked over the job listing and said to myself, “I can’t do this job.” Granted, it specified “entry level” and none of the qualifications involved any actual employment experience in the field, but “Mac OSX, Solaris and Linux experience is also preferred”? I lost interested in Linux six years ago, and I barely even know what the fuck Solaris is! It was a George Clooney movie, right? “Experience with Wireless networking is required. 802.11X PEAP, LEAP, WPA, WPA2, WEP”? I don’t know what any of that means!

But it’s cool, I can Google and figure it out. I know what wireless networking is, I think I’ve heard of WEP, I’m pretty sure 802.11x is…something involving infrared? Heat vision? Okay, I can play it cool in the interview. When they ask, “Are you familiar with wireless networking standards?” I’ll say, “Yes.” Easy as pie. I can’t imagine them having any follow-up questions after that response.

Actually, I mostly assumed I’d send off my resume and never hear from them again. Until my sister called me on her lunch hour and said, “I’m going to see if my supervisor knows who in HR to contact so I can expedite your resume and try to get you to the top of the list.”

Top of the — oh shit.

She e-mailed me an hour later, saying she printed out a hard copy of my resume, put it in a “fancy envelope,” and sent it through inner-office mail to exactly the person who does the hiring. And suddenly I feel terrible, like I’m going to let my sister down. She’s so excited for me, and yeah, maybe I can do this job, but I really don’t think there’s any chance in hell that I’ll get it. The one positive is that when I e-mailed her the spiffy MS Word version of my resume and cover letter, she didn’t send it back with editorial comments.

So I dunno, she launched into this whole tirade about what a hard time she had finding a job, and how based on her experience and the experiences of everyone else she knows, the only way anybody has ever gotten a job is through a friend or relative who is pulling some kind of strings. Which is kind of a “duh” thing, and it’s cool that she — for the first time ever — wants to be the string-puller to help her li’l bro, but still…I’m totally gonna let her down on this one.

At least, that’s my feeling. It’s making me put so much pressure on myself, because I want to do well so she doesn’t, once again, cast her head down and take pity on her loser li’l bro. I also want to do well because, if I break the phone-interview barrier and they want to meet me in person, I’ll feel like such an ass if I spend all that money on a short Seattle trip just to blow it.

Man, I hate job-hunting.

Posted by Stan on March 1, 2006 9:40 PM  | Permalink | Family: The Horror… | Digg It