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Why I Went to Seattle

Lucy and I have, off and on, been bestest buddies for about five years. I say “off and on” because there were periods, both long and short, where we simply didn’t talk to each other for one reason or another. The best example of this was the time we had dinner together, not an unusual activity for us at the time, and we spent about three hours outlining every single thing we thought was wrong with the other person. We were both really tired of each other, so it was essentially a no-holds-barred “You fucking suck ass because…” session.

This happened in mid-May a few years ago. The next time we talked after that was in August, when I went to Iowa City to see Juliana Hatfield. We had a reasonably good time being passive-aggressive before and during the show. Afterward, I was to spend the night at her apartment, but we got into a huge fight, and I decided to drive home that night.

Funny how that happens, right?

This anecdote illustrates a key fact in my friendship with Lucy: it is relentlessly unhealthy. At this point, we do nothing but fight. Do we fight about anything worthwhile? Sometimes, but since our lives are both equally fucked up at this point, it’s usually a stalemate. Like this paraphrased excerpt from a recent fight:

Lucy: I’m sick of [current abusive boyfriend]. I think I want to go back to [previous abusive boyfriend]. He was an asshole, but at least he was a caring asshole.
Me: Don’t you dare get back together with [previous abusive boyfriend].
Lucy: Like I’m going to take relationship advice from someone dated a lunatic!
Me: She may not have been entirely sane, but at least I’m not afraid she’s going to kill me!
Lucy: Yes, you are!
Me: Why would you think that?
Lucy: Maybe because when you were dating her, you said, “I’m afraid to stay over at her place because I think I’m going to wake up with a knife in my chest.”
Me: …
Lucy: …

So, there’s that.

I have unhealthy relationships with the rest of humanity. Consequently, I decided not only to abandon the small chunk of humanity with whom I am personally engaged for three months — I decided to go right back to the very first unhealthy relationship I ever had: I went to live with my sister.

While there, my sister and I strengthened our familial bond. A couple of weeks later, we descended back into our normal pattern of petty name-calling, frustrated outbursts, and avoidance of one another. It was a great experience!

I also reneged on my loose guideline of “avoid everyone I’ve ever met at any time.” Very few people tried to get ahold of me once I let them know I was going away. The only people who called me were people who didn’t know. And, of course, people who didn’t care, notably Lucy. Oops!

So I spent the summer talking to her intermittently. Over the summer, Lucy leapfrogged from one abusive boyfriend to another; the second abusive boyfriend dumped her shortly after she fucked him because, well, that’s just what the guys she dates do. I’ve figured that out; when will she?

Posted by Stan on October 10, 2004 7:56 PM  | Permalink | Friends: Can’t Live with ‘Em | Digg It